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October 20 2017

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It's a cover-up!

March 11 2017

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The Stripy Teapot
A Mystery

The grey, country town of Newton Abbot holds a secret.

Harry Rockatansky has the perfect life working as a lawyer in the city and smiling with his articulate girlfriend, Maureen Platt.

However, when he finds a stripy teapot in his cellar, he begins to realise that things are not quite as they seem in the Rockatansky family.

A bar mitzvah leaves Harry with some startling questions about his past, and he sets off to deprived Newton Abbot to find some answers. Along the way, he takes screenshots on a Mac.

At first the people of Newton Abbot are hopeful and considerate. He is intrigued by the curiously courageous nurse, Hector Sparrow. However, after he introduces him to hard liquor, Harry slowly finds himself drawn into a web of burglary, fraud and perhaps, even violence.

Can Harry resist the charms of Hector Sparrow and uncover the secret of the stripy teapot before it's too late, or will his demise become yet another Newton Abbot legend?
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Galactic Important Rifle Wars
A Science Fiction Plot

A long, long time ago in an important, important galaxy...

After leaving the ripped planet Klendathu, a group of robots fly toward a distant speck. The speck gradually resolves into a tender, space castle.

Civil war strikes the galaxy, which is ruled by Kimberly England, a fragile elf capable of lust and even man slaughter.

Terrified, a creepy pixie known as Roy Thomas flees the Empire, with his protector, Annie Snozcumber.

They head for San Diego on the planet Pluto. When they finally arrive, a fight breaks out. Snozcumber uses her important rifle to defend Roy.

Snozcumber and Pixie Roy decide it's time to leave Pluto and steal a scooter to shoot their way out.

They encounter a tribe of people. Snozcumber is attacked and the pixie is captured by the people and taken back to San Diego.

Snozcumber must fight to save Pixie Roy but when she accidentally unearths a damp gun, the entire future of the important, ripped galaxy is at stake.
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Nice hat. Nice eyes.

The Clouds that Danced like Singing Elephants
A Short Story

Cameron Bogtrotter looked at the crumpled teapot in his hands and felt stable.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his idyllic surroundings. He had always loved idyllic Sludgeside with its confused, crowded cliffs. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel stable.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Toby Trescothik. Toby was a rude hero with curvaceous fingernails and brunette eyelashes.

Cameron gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a funny, articulate, squash drinker with fat fingernails and brown eyelashes. His friends saw him as a diced, delicious do gooder. Once, he had even helped a depressed baby cross the road.

But not even a funny person who had once helped a depressed baby cross the road, was prepared for what Toby had in store today.

The clouds danced like singing elephants, making Cameron happy.

As Cameron stepped outside and Toby came closer, he could see the important glint in his eye.

"Look Cameron," growled Toby, with a hopeful glare that reminded Cameron of rude snakes. "It's not that I don't love you, but I want a kiss. You owe me 4127 gold pieces."

Cameron looked back, even more happy and still fingering the crumpled teapot. "Toby, Is that real leather," he replied.

They looked at each other with worried feelings, like two keen, kindhearted kittens drinking at a very loving birthday party, which had drum and bass music playing in the background and two violent uncles running to the beat.

Cameron studied Toby's curvaceous fingernails and brunette eyelashes. Eventually, he took a deep breath. "I'm afraid I declared myself bankrupt," explained Cameron. "You will never get your money."

"No!" objected Toby. "You lie!"

"I do not!" retorted Cameron. "Now get your curvaceous fingernails out of here before I hit you with this crumpled teapot."

Toby looked surprised, his wallet raw like a thoughtless, troubled torch.

Cameron could actually hear Toby's wallet shatter into 4127 pieces. Then the rude hero hurried away into the distance.

Not even a beaker of squash would calm Cameron's nerves tonight.

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